Your children may be too young to even know what career they would like to pursue, let alone know which college they want to attend. But if you and your spouse, like so many other parents, set up a designated 529 college savings plan, a tax-advantaged investment account used to help parents squirrel money away funds to cover the eventual cost a child attending college, you may be wondering what’s going to happen to this money now that you are getting a divorce. Your family’s situation is unique, of course, but here are a few common possibilities for dealing with a 529 plan during a divorce.

Freeze the Account: Essentially, money in a 529 plan can be withdrawn by an account owner at any time for any reason – for example, to buy a car, pay for a vacation or for another purpose – though a tax penalty is assessed for any non-education spending. If you and your spouse are both listed as owners, one or the other of you can withdraw money. This may not have been an issue during your marriage, but now that you are divorcing, keeping this kind of joint account may be tricky.

As a first step, freezing a 529 plan account means no more deposits are made to the account and no withdrawals can be made by an account owner. The money already in the account can collect interest, but can only be used toward education for the child designated. This can prevent a disgruntled spouse from making a bad decision during the coming years and safeguard the money for its intended use. Freezing the account also prevents a parent from using account funds to pay for the education of a child from a new marriage.

Create Separate Accounts: If it’s thought to be a better solution, a couple can decide in mediation (or a judge can order) that an existing 529 plan be split into two new 529 plans, with each parent named the owner on one account. For example, if a 529 plan had $5,000 in assets, each spouse would be responsible for a new account containing $2,500. By setting up a separate owner for each account, that spouse would be responsible for making all investment decisions for that account and making deposits or deciding on withdrawals.

Setting up two separate accounts could be helpful if the couple’s divorce settlement outlines how much each will need to contribute financially towards the child’s college costs. There is no tax penalty for moving money into new 529 plans.

Liquidate the Account: Depending on the terms of a divorce, some couples may decide to liquidate the account and divide the money as they would other martial assets and joint accounts. In this case, tax penalties would apply and may, in some cases, make it more of a financial burden than bonus to liquidate, so consider this option carefully.

Deal with Leftover Funds: Another issue that should be discussed or formally written into a divorce decree is what to do with money left over after the child completes his or her education. Possible options include one of the parents using funds to return to school or a sibling using leftover funds, or simply keeping the leftover money in the event the child, at some later point, decides to pursue an advanced degree.

For more on the topic of college, kids, and divorce, see, “Does Paying For College Tuition End the Need For Child Support?”

Want to break your marital bonds — but not your budget? Every divorce situation is unique, but here are five ways couples may be able to save a little (or a lot) on their divorce proceedings:

Skip Court: As a Fox Business article about divorce on the cheap points out, going to court should be a last resort for divorcing couples trying to cut expenses because litigating in court costs both time and money. Two alternatives that may cost less? Mediation and arbitration. In mediation, couples meet with a neutral third party mediator to negotiate and make their own decisions about their divorce settlement. When mediation works, the process often ends up being faster and cheaper than divorce court. In arbitration, couples settle out of court by having a hired arbitrator make decisions for them, much like a judge would. Because the process typically takes less time, the cost can also be less.

Consider What’s Worth Fighting Over: Before discussions over dividing marital assets turn into drawn out battles, carefully consider what’s worth fighting over. If you do a cost/benefit analysis, is it really worth thousands of dollars to spend your time fighting over a $500 couch?

To avoid prolonging the process, and consequently sending precious time and money down the drain, try to keep your emotions in check as you consider certain assets and their worth. Can you easily buy a new couch? Yes. Can you easily start all over again saving up for retirement? No. In fact, not fighting over the small stuff may put you in a more powerful position when it’s time to state your demands for what really matters. (See our blog, “Three Secrets to Successful Divorce Negotiations” for more.)

Keep Child Custody in Perspective: To possibly avoid the time (and therefore money) involved in child custody fights, first take a deep breath and then look at the matter from your child’s perspective. What’s truly best for your child? You may not want to share custody with your child with your soon-to-be ex because your feeling are still too raw right now. But even if you don’t want to ever see this person again for as long as you live, do you think your child feels the same way? There are, of course, exceptions, but in most families, it is in the best interest of the child to spend time with both parents. Keep this in mind before making a demands based on your own hurt feelings.

Hire the Right Professionals: In your divorce, you may need to hire lawyers, accountants and other specialists. As Laurie Dyke, certified public accountant tells FOX Business, “Don’t be pennywise and pound foolish. If you hire someone good who knows what they’re doing, you’ll get the work done faster and more efficiently.”
If you are paying by the hour, efficiency matters!

Likewise, if you have worked with a tax attorney or personal injury before, you may be tempted to seek this person’s help in your divorce matter. Be aware that by going this route, you may be in for more headaches than you bargained for — and made to pay more money in longer court proceedings and going back to court if anything is botched. As you consider hiring a divorce attorney, look for a family law attorney who specializes in divorce.

The same goes for representing yourself. It may seem like you will save money in the short term. But what if the price of saving money on a lawyer is getting a less than fair settlement on your part? Think this one over carefully.

Get Organized: To reduce the amount of time spent in your attorney’s office, do your best behind the scenes to prepare and get organized. Ask for a list of needed documents from your lawyer and ask how they’d like to receive the documents, whether by year or account. Next, get yourself an accordion folder or portable file box and start organizing in the preferred way. Not only will your lawyer will thank you, but having complete financial documents helps you make the best case possible for your asset claims.

For more tips, see our blog, “Staying Organized During Divorce“

What is collaborative divorce — and is it right for you? If you and spouse have made the difficult decision to divorce, it makes sense to explore the many options and pathways available for reaching a divorce settlement. Gone are the days when getting a divorce always meant having a judge decide your matters. In today’s divorce landscape, there are a number of alternative dispute resolution and out of court settlement options, including divorce mediation, divorce arbitration, and the subject of this blog: Collaborative divorce.

Often billed as a “kinder, friendlier” divorce, here are four key ways collaborative divorce differs from other divorce pathways:

1. Setting Mutual Goals: Before divorce negotiations begin, couples engaged in collaborative divorce typically sign an agreement that includes the setting of mutual goals, pledges to respect one another, and promises to be nothing less than truthful and forthcoming with relevant financial and personal information. This is unique to the collaborative process and is part of setting the tone for a respectful process.

2. Use of Specially Trained Collaborative Divorce Lawyers: A major difference in collaborative divorce is the role family law attorneys play. During the process, a collaborative lawyer may speak directly to their client’s spouse, in addition to the spouse’s lawyer, throughout negotiations. In traditional divorce negotiation, an attorney speaking directly to their client’s spouse, and not their attorney, would be unusual, unless the spouse is representing themselves in their divorce matter. Collaborative divorce lawyers receive special training in this process and style of negotiation.

3. Use of Neutral Experts: Another key aspect of collaborative divorce is the use of neutral professionals to consult with the couple on important matters. For example, couples in a collaborative divorce may hire a financial professional to help them set budgets and analyze tax implications, or a parenting expert to assess what child custody arrangement might be best for their children. Other experts can include appraisers, mental health professionals, divorce coaches to help them negotiate and any other specialist they need help from.

4. When Collaborative Divorce Doesn’t Work: In general, if one or both parties wish to discontinue the collaborative process, both attorneys are legally obligated to withdraw from representing their clients. This is done as an incentive for the couple to settle their case collaboratively and avoid the time and expense of starting the divorce over from scratch.

Who is collaborative divorce not intended for? it is generally agreed that collaborative divorce is not appropriate in situations in which one spouse is psychologically domineering or verbally abusive, or there is a history of domestic violence. Also, think practically. If one spouse has a history of dishonesty, it probably doesn’t make sense that he or she will suddenly become forthcoming in the collaborative process.

How do you know if this process right for you? Consulting with a collaborative family law attorney to discuss your situation can give you the most definitive answer.

How can you celebrate your new status as a single mom? Here are some ideas for how to create a day filled with joy. On the other hand, are you a dad wondering how to help your kids honor their mother, even if she is no longer your wife? We’ve got tips on how to make that happen, too.

For Single Moms

1. Have Fun on a Budget: Did past Mother’s Days always include eating out in a restaurant? If it was your ex who always orchestrated things, check out the many “mom discounts” out there for this Sunday — many restaurants run “moms eat free!” brunch specials to sweeten the deal for Mother’s Day. Museums, theaters, stores, and other mom-friendly locations may also offer discounts on Sunday when mothers show up with kids in tow. If your kids are old enough to be aware of Mother’s Day and want to celebrate it with you as a fun family day, these deals and discounts can help make it happen — while still staying within your budget.

2. Start New Traditions: If every single Mother’s Day, your husband gave you a rose bush to plant in the garden, think of new ways to mark the day. Perhaps Mother’s Day becomes the first beach day of the year, or the day you and your kids plant a vegetable garden in the back yard, or the day you spend together heading out to see one of the new summer blockbusters. Establishing new traditions can be a powerful way for families to embrace post-divorce life together.

3. Find Another Mother in Need of Celebrating: Is your own mother close by? Have another single mom friend? Have an empty nester aunt who could use a little company? Get together for a picnic lunch out in the beautiful sunshine and enjoy the company. Having other people around can also be a distraction for kids — and you — to help keep your mind off comparing the day to years past.

4. Take Time for Self-Care: Does your ex-husband have the kids today? Turn your Mother’s Day into Mamma Gets Her Groove Back Day and take some time just for you. Go get that mani-pedi you know you deserve, read a good book, see a funny movie (even a funny movie about divorce), get a massage, or just go for a long walk in nature to clear your head. You deserve it, mom!

Single Dads: Helping Your Kids Celebrate Their Mom

1. Remember that Mother’s Day is Also About Your Kids: Take into account that your children may be wondering what you are going to do to help them celebrate their mom, even if she is your ex-wife. If you have custody of the kids starting Friday after school, ask your school-age kids if they made anything for their mom at school — and then make sure this gets to her! It might be nice, if the kids could drop them off in person on Sunday, if possible. If the kids are in the habit of leaving their belongings behind at your place, make sure — at minimum –that these gifts get packed up to take home.

2. Help Them Do Something Special: Have them pick out cards for their mother, or make cards. Making something special for Mother’s Day doesn’t have to mean spending extra money, if that is a concern. Have your kids make coupon books for their mother with coupons for fun things like, “one bear hug” — it’s really the thought that counts. To avoid confusion for your children, be clear in everything you say about these gifts and cards, that the sender of them is the child. . . Try to use language like, “Your card for your Mom is really nice.” or “Why don’t you pick out something that you can give to your mother.” If you say, “Let’s get something for Mommy,” the problem you could potentially be setting up is that your child thinks you are in on the gift-giving. He or she may ask you to sign the card or be there to give the gift. If you do want to do these things, fine. But just understand the mixed signals this could possibly send to your child.

3. Consider Making An Exception: In an article for the Huffington Post, WLG’s Bari Weinberger wrote about negotiating extra time with children around the holidays. No matter how tense things are between the two of you right now, can you step back for a minute and think what allowing your children a few hours to go out to brunch with their mom on Sunday morning could mean for them? This solution might not work for everyone, but this Mother’s Day, at least try to consider what is truly best for the children of this mother. And then consider this: Father’s Day is only six weeks away and if you extend the favor now, you may just get it repaid next month!

In an important new ruling handed down last week by a Superior Court judge in Ocean County, pregnant women threatened with domestic violence can file for restraining orders to protect their unborn children.

The court’s decision appears to clarify that when domestic violence is present, pregnant women who are already seeking a restraining order for themselves shouldn’t have to wait until giving birth to have another order put in place for the child. In applicable cases, this may provide babies with protection under the restraining order from the moment of birth, thus saving new moms the additional step of returning to court to file for a separate restraining order.

As Superior Court Judge Lawrence Jones wrote in his opinion:

“When a pregnant victim of domestic violence obtains a restraining order against an abuser, and thereafter gives birth to a child, the last place the victim may want to go immediately after delivery is right back to the courthouse again.”

According to the Star Ledger, the case Jones based his ruling on involved two teenagers in Ocean County who had a disagreement over whether they should keep the child. Eventually, the 18-year-old male attacked the 17-year-old pregnant girl in Lakewood.

New Jersey law does not recognize fetuses as having rights, but courts have ruled over the years that children may sue parents later in life for damages suffered in the womb. For example, in cases involving a mother’s drug abuse, an adult child could sue for damages over development issues clearly linked to drug exposure before birth. In this case, it seems to make legal sense that if a child could conceivably sue later on for damages sustained as a result of domestic violence — for example, if the episode led to preterm birth and birth complications that in turn led to disability and impairment — then mother has the right to secure a restraining order in order to keep her baby safe from harm.

“Our Supreme Court has recognized that domestic violence is a serious problem in our society, and ‘persists as a grave threat to the family, particularly to women and children,” Jones wrote in his ruling that appears to extend this protection much further then previously thought.

Are you a victim of domestic assault? Please call 911 if you are in immediate danger, or contact New Jersey’s domestic violence hotline: 800-572-SAFE (7233).

We also have a number of extremely helpful resources available for anyone in New Jersey experiencing domestic violence or contemplating filing for a restraining order. For help on how to follow a restraining order, see our article, “How to File Forms & Understand The Restraining Order Process in a Domestic Violence Case”. More filing information can be found here: New Jersey Restraining Orders.

Source: Domestic Violence Restraining Order May Cover Unborn Child in Advance

1. First Wives’ Club

Diane Keaton, Goldie Hawn, and Bette Midler have all lost their husbands to younger women.  So they decide not to get mad, but get even — with hilarious results.

2. Liar Liar

Jim Carrey and Maura Tierney play a divorced couple too busy with their careers to pay attention to their son, Max.  Max makes a wish on his birthday candles that – for one day – his father could not tell a lie.  The wish comes true, with very funny results.

3.Jerry McGuire

You had me at hello! Renèe Zellweger plays a divorced, single mom who is the only person to follow Jerry Maguire (Tom Cruise) out of his job as a sports agent after he recommends the company focus less on money and more on people. The two fall in love in this uplifting romantic comedy.

4. The War of the Roses

In this dark comedy favorite, Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner play Oliver and and Barbara Rose, a couple getting a divorce after 17 years of marriage. The only snag in their plans? Their house means the world to both of them, so, in the words of Daffy Duck, “This means war.”

5. Along Came Polly

Reuben Feffer (played hilariously by Ben Stiller is a risk assessment guy, and after marrying the woman of his dreams (Debra Messing) the two go on a blissful honeymoon, only to have her cheat on him with her foreign scuba instructor (Hank Azaria). Now on his own, a sad and dejected Reuben runs into an old classmate named Polly, played by Jennifer Aniston. She’s spontaneous and quirky, but will she be Reuben’s second chance at love and romance?

6. Intolerable Cruelty

Described as “a revenge-seeking gold digger marries a womanizing Beverly Hills lawyer with the intention of making a killing in the divorce,” this romantic comedy from the Oscar-winning Coen brothers stars Catherine Zeta-Jones and George Clooney in a movie that’s really about men, women and everything that can go wrong between them.

7. Hope Floats

After moving back to her small hometown in Texas, Birdee Calvert (Sandra Bullock) must choose between her morals and her heart after her husband divorces her and a charming young man, who her daughter disapproves of, comes back into her life.

8. Must Love Dogs

Can this movie be any cuter? Sarah Nolan, a recently divorced thirty-something year old, has a family that just can’t help getting involved in her personal life, or lack there of. After her sister puts her profile on PerfectMatch.com, this preschool teacher goes on a number of outrageous and hilarious dates. But will she be able to find the one — who must, of course, love dogs?

9. Under The Tuscan Sun

Stop the bus! While on vacation, a just-divorced writer buys a villa in Tuscany on a whim, hoping it will be the start of a change for the better in her life. And yes, it’s another Diane Lane movie!

10. It’s Complicated

During his son’s college graduation, Jane (Meryl Streep) hooks up with her ex-husband, Jake (Alec Baldwin), who’s married to a younger woman. As if being your ex’s mistress isn’t tough enough, Jane also finds herself drawn to Adam (Steve Martin), a smitten architect. And you guessed it . . . with this trio of talented actors on board, this movie is as funny as it is poignant.

Enjoy!

During an appearance on the popular Dr Oz Show, the 38 year-old recounted her experience:

“I didn’t know I was depressed. I mean, I knew it was a sad moment in my life, but I wouldn’t categorize myself as depressed. I’m not that, I’m an optimist about life. Life didn’t work, moving on. I’m fine.”

She lost her appetite following the couple’s separation, Longoria explained. “That’s probably the time I got the most compliments because I was so skinny. I was not eating. I was depressed. I was sad. My diet was coffee. So people kept saying, ‘You look amazing. Divorce agrees with you,’ And I was like, ‘I don’t feel good. I have no energy’.”

Longoria and Parker were married in 2007, but Longoria filed for divorce three years later in November 2010, citing irreconcilable differences as her grounds for divorce. The split was finalized the following year.

The actress is certainly not alone in her experience. Some studies estimate that as many as 1 in 5 people who divorce will go on to experience depression or a down mood in reaction to their marriage ending, with women more likely than men to to admit they’re feeling blue.

Are you depressed? According to National Institute for Mental Health, symptoms of the mood disorder include:

- Persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” feelings
- Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
- Irritability, restlessness
- Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
- Fatigue and decreased energy
- Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
- Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
- Overeating, or appetite loss
- Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
- Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.

Taking yourself, including your mental health, may be more important when you are going through a divorce. If you are experiencing any of the above, we encourage you to seek help from your doctor. Other helpful resources available on our site include:

“How to Find a Divorce Therapist”

“Divorce Recovery Guide”

“Surviving the Holidays After Divorce”

The latest development in the contentious divorce between reality diva Bethenny Frankel and estranged husband Jason Hoppy is shaping up to be a nasty child custody fight over the couple’s 2-year old daughter Bryn. At issue is the claim on the part of both parents for sole custody of the little girl.

As the NY Post and sources report, “Jason has . . . requested sole custody of Bryn, just as Bethenny did when she initially filed. Jason doesn’t want to cut Bethenny out of his daughter’s life, and he recognizes that Bryn needs her mommy. Jason is agreeable to joint custody of Bryn, but Bethenny is absolutely balking. She wants sole custody of Bryn, period. No compromises. It makes no sense because Jason is a very active father and plans to be a huge part of his daughter’s life.”

The couple has made at least one court appearance and it’s been leaked that a judge may have recently ordered a parenting evalutaition to start sorting through the matter. This move appears not to be sitting well with Frankel, however.

“Bethenny is furious that her parenting style and methods are going to be questioned,” sources confirm, adding, “Bryn is her whole life, and she doesn’t want anyone to assess her mothering skills .  .  . She does not want a complete stranger to come into her home and pass judgment on the way she nurtures.”

Frankel and Hoppy are divorcing in New York City where they reside. However, what if their case were to take place in New Jersey?

To decide matters of child custody in New Jersey, most parents will first try to work out their own arrangements for child custody through mediation. If parents are unable to agree on a plan after mediation, or if mediation is not recommended as is generally the case in families where there is a history of domestic violence, the matter will then go before the court.

At the hearing, a judge typically asks each parent to submit a proposed custody arrangement and/or parenting time plan. Additional information may be ordered by the court at this same time, including psychological evaluations of all involved children, and other expert testimony that may be helpful. After all necessary information is submitted and evaluated, the judge is then free to approve one parent’s plan, reject both parents’ plans, and/or create an entirely new plan based on what is perceived as the child’s best interests.

What can you expect in your child custody matter? New Jersey courts tend to favor plans featuring shared parental responsibility and frequent contact between a child and both of his or her parents as what’s best for most kids, though individual family circumstances are always taken into account. The child custody plan a judge deems appropriate takes in many factors, including:

• the parents’ ability to agree, communicate, and cooperate on parenting issues
• any history of unwillingness to allow the other parent his or her parenting time with the child
• the child’s interaction and relationship with parents and siblings
• any history of domestic violence
• the safety of the child from physical abuse by the other parent
• the preference of a child who is old enough to make an intelligent decisions
• any special physical or emotional needs on the part of the child
• the stability of each parent’s home environment
• the quality and continuity of the child’s education
• each parent’s mental and physical health
• how close in geography the parents live to one another
• the extent and quality of the time each parent spent with the child both before and since the separation
• each parent’s employment responsibilities, and
• the ages and number of the children.

A more extensive explanation of child custody factors can be found in the Weinberger Law Group article, “NJ Child Custody, Visitation, and Parenting Time“.

In Frankel and Poppy’s case, the two could still reach an agreement on custody out of court. The pair made a court appearance this week related financial disclosure matters and attorneys propsed a confidentiality agreement to be signed to protect the couple’s priviacy as their divorce moves forward, including any future discussions about child custody.

The 72-day marriage between reality star Kim Kardashian and NBA player Kris Humphries that resulted in 543 days of disagreements and legal wrangling, is now finally over, thanks to a judge who quietly granted Kardashian a dissolution in the matter in a Los Angeles courthouse this past Friday.

In case you aren’t familiar with this particular celebrity divorce saga, Humphries had been seeking to have the brief marriage annulled based on accusations of fraud on the part of Kardashian. He petitioned for an annulment after Kardashian filed divorce papers because he felt the marriage was a sham specifically made for the television show “Keeping Up With The Kardashians,” on which he appeared. Humphries also demanded $7 million from reality show-generated income and wanted his attorney fees covered paid in full.

However, as details of the couple’s divorce settlement start to emerge, we’ve learned, as the Los Angeles Times reports, that Humphries will get no money, the marriage will be dissolved (a divorce granted) rather than annulled, and the basketball player needs to pay his own attorney fees.

It’s pretty clear who the winner is in this case. But why? Here are some key ways Kardashian was able to prevail:

Prenuptial Agreement: Before the marriage, Kim and Kris entered into a fully executed, “ironclad” prenuptial agreement that reportedly locked down all money issues, including keeping both Kris and Kim’s assets, business interests, and income separate. The brevity of the marriage and the fact that these are two high-earning individuals would make any claims against the provisions of the prenup, including Humphries’ demand for $7 million, difficult to make a case for.

Contracted Business Dealings: Humphries and Kardashian were essentially in business together when they starred in the Kardashian clan’s hit reality show, especially the episodes that featured their wedding and the many lavish gifts they received. Often when a couple operates or participates in a family-owned business, no contracts are put in place to outline the financial ownership of each party, or what would happen to the business in the event of a divorce. People mistakenly think contracts aren’t needed because you are dealing with family.

Not so with Kim and Kris. As multiple news outlets have reported, Humphries had a separate contract stipulating his obligations as a reality show participant and his compensation. Again, given the alleged thoroughness of the contract, it was difficult for Humphries to make any additional money claims and could have also created problems for his annulment claims based on fraud.

Commitment to the Process: The last straw in Humphries’ failed claims may have come when he skipped a court-ordered hearing earlier in April. He simply didn’t show up, which in turn annoyed the judge and led to promises of court fines and sanctions against Humphrey for the no-show. Kardashian, on the other hand? She was on-time for each and every court appearance. In one instance, she asked for a court date to be moved so she could attend a press event. When the judge denied the request, she moved the event rather than miss being in court.

Excellent Legal Representation: After over a year of legal bickering, Kardashian made a smart move in February 2013 by switching lawyers and hiring a Hollywood powerhouse divorce attorney to represent her. It’s little wonder that within a matter of weeks, the end of the marriage seemed suddenly to be on the fast track, and then a mere six weeks later, finally over — with everything Kardashian had wanted in the divorce reportedly part of the settlement.

The final lesson? Never underestimate the difference a good divorce lawyer can make.

1. Allow one spouse to takes ownership of the home and buy out the other spouse’s share of equity.
2. Sell the house during the divorce process and split the equity.
3. Sell the home within a certain number of years after the divorce to take advantage of improvements in the real estate market or other personal factors, such as selling the house after minor children turn 18 years old.

Each of these options, of course, involves detailed provisions that are unique to your own situation and will need to be worked out as part of your divorce decree.

But what happens if you do pursue an option that requires you to sell your home? Some couples who want out of their marriage as quickly as possible may be tempted to just stick a “For Sale” sign in front of their home and accept whatever offers come their way. On the other hand, other couples, or one spouse in particular, may want to invest in “curb appeal” projects that home owners typically undertake before putting their home on the market, including fresh paint in rooms, making roof repairs, or adding gardens and other landscape features.

Unfortunately, this may lead to conflict as couples struggle to figure out the answers to such issues, who is going to pay for these repairs and projects — and who is going to complete them if you can’t stand to be in each other’s presence? Other issues that come up include arguments over an acceptable selling price, who will live in the house until it is sold, and who will the point person for contact with the real estate agent?

A recent article in the New York Times highlights real estate professionals in New Jersey who have carved out a niche representing divorcing home sellers. While it may be helpful to work with a Realtor who has experience helping divorcing couples through the home sale process, there are many things you can do right now to make the process a little easier:

Create Master List of Home Repairs: Make a list of all home repairs that would be helpful to have completed before putting the house of the market. Show the list first to your spouse and discuss how these costs could be split, and why they are important. Often, couples can come to their own agreement on home repair or curb appeal costs, since in the long run, they can help to boost selling price.

If your spouse needs some motivation, ask a Realtor to come up with a market analysis of your home “as is” versus what the expected selling price of the home would be after repairs. If your spouse still won’t budge, you may need to scale down your list. It is also critical to make your divorce attorney aware of your home-selling situation to see what he or she suggests, especially if you or your spouse has abandoned the marital home.

Downplay physical presence of  divorce in the home:If the divorcing couple is still living together for economic or other reasons (see Bari Weinberger’s Huffington Post piece on this:
House Rules: 5 Tips To Being Divorced And Still Living Together), it may be apparent to buyers as soon as they step in the home. Things like hastily made partitions between rooms or parts of the home, often with locking doors, or large gaps in rooms where one spouse has removed furniture, can be obvious giveaways of a family in crisis. For buyers, this may translate into low-balling offers to take advantage of an obviously distressed situation.

How to avoid this “fire sale” pitfall? Go room by room and look at your home through the eyes of potential buyers. Is your family room missing a TV and couch? See what other furniture you have in your home and think creatively about to still give this room a homey feel. Maybe you have an old sofa in the garage that you can slipcover to make look like new, or you have a flatscreen computer monitor that can cleverly double as a TV during open houses. Ask friends and relatives for items they might have to lend that can make sure your house look comfortably lived in.

Neutralize the look of your home: If you and your spouse are still living under one roof, think about taking down the partitions and “neutralizing” the look of the home until after the sale. If you do need to keep some distance, try to make partitions moveable and kept out of sight during home showings. For example, instead of plywood partitions, try curtains on pressure rods that can be quickly taken down when it’s time to show the house, and then put back in place afterwards.

Another important tip? Early on in the process, make your spouse aware of just how much money you can both get for your home if you are able to sell it for top dollar. Oftentimes, a spouse seeing how he or she can benefit, perhaps greatly depending on the worth of your home, makes cooperating and working on selling your home that much easier.