Child Custody & Parenting Time FAQs in New Jersey

I want to ask for more parenting time with my 8-year-old son, but I currently live with my parents in a small apartment. My wife and I separated and I moved out several months ago and up until now, we agreed that I would have my son a few hours after school and overnights on Fridays. I asked for more overnights, but my wife disagrees because he sleeps on an air mattress when he is here. Will the judge give me more overnights?

When any judge here in New Jersey considers custody or parenting time issues, their first and foremost concern is what is in the best interests of the child. In fact, all courts must base their decisions based on the best interests standard. In addition, courts favor both parents being extensively involved in their child’s life to the extent possible. The more time your child spends with you, the better. However, it is very important that you provide for your son an environment that is in his best interests, especially as he gets older and requires his own space and more privacy. Begin the process of getting your own apartment that provides your son his own bedroom and then file a request with the court for joint legal custody and a set parenting time plan. If you believe that sharing physical custody of him is in his best interests you can certainly file for that, as well. Either way, get a written and formal order that spells out custody and parenting time. Unfortunately, attempting to work out these arrangements with your ex does not seem to be working.

My ex keeps threatening to move to Georgia with our 8 year old daughter. I do not want her to go. Can she take my daughter to live in Georgia without my consent?

No. The law in New Jersey with regard to locating out of state is clear. The parent wishing to relocate must have either the permission of the child’s other parent to move, or a court order signed by a judge that grants permission to relocate out of state. Your ex, if she wishes to relocate with your daughter, must file an application with the family court requesting permission to relocate to Georgia. The court will consider many factors including whether or not she has a good faith reason for the move (such as a job offer) and the reason why you are opposed to it. She is going to have to offer a substantial and extensive parenting time plan for you which, if she is permitted to move, should include extended time in New Jersey such as a month in the summer and winter or spring breaks from school. Do not withhold permission just to be spiteful. If she is relocating for a good reason and the area where she is moving to is good for your child, she will most likely be permitted to go. Focus on getting a very extensive parenting time plan.

The judge in my case ordered a custody evaluation and recommended a joint psychologist to evaluate me, my ex and my child who is 11 years old. I read the report and I disagree with much of it. I want to respond to the report so the judge knows what is incorrect and what I disagree with. How can I respond?

Your best course of action at this point is to hire your own independent psychologist to conduct their own evaluations and submit a separate report after their evaluations are completed. This is really the most effective way to rebut any conclusions in the first expert’s report that you believe are inaccurate. Be sure, however, that you are not contesting the report simply because you do not care for the findings as this will could serve to make you appear unreasonable to the judge. Also, be aware that you will most likely have to foot the bill for a new psychologist’s fees. Consider using the services of a family law attorney who can guide you through this process.

Almost every time my child’s father comes to pick him up for parenting time, he curses at me, shows up very late or attempts to cause an argument with me. I have been writing down all of these episodes in a journal. Is that helpful if I have to go to court?

Any documentation including a diary or a journal is helpful as proof if you end up in court. Likewise, you should be keeping any offensive emails, threatening text messages or abusive voicemail messages evidence of his inappropriate behavior. This is especially offensive if he is behaving this way in front of your child, which can be traumatizing. If the situation worsens, you should file an application with the court to limit parenting time. Consider another place for picking up and dropping off your child, such as a local police precinct. Of course, if you feel unsafe or threatened, consider filing for a temporary restraining order against your ex.

How can my child’s father claim him as a dependent on his income taxes, when our son lives with me the majority of the time? His father has him on alternating weekends.

The IRS regulations and not family law actually discuss this issue and the default is that the parent who has the child the majority of the time does indeed get to claim the child on their income taxes. However, parents can agree to a different arrangement when it comes to this issue. Some parents alternate the deduction year by year. If a family has two children, sometimes each parent takes one child. What is prohibited, however, is both parents claiming the child in the same year. It is a good idea to talk to your tax professional to get some guidance on what works best for your family.

How do I stop my child’s mother from having men over when my 9 year old child is there? I am not sure if they are boyfriends or just friends and I do not want to question my child about this.

It is very wise to make the decision to not involve your daughter in these types of adult issues. Doing so will only serve to make your daughter anxious, defensive and could force her to feel as though she has to choose sides. And, if the matter does end up before a judge, he or she will not look kindly upon your involving your child in this type of discussion. That being said, courts tend to not get involved in these types of family issues, unless you have some sort of proof that your child is being harmed or in some sort of danger because of your exes’ house guests. If you suspect there is some sort of negative effect to your child, begin documenting the situation in a journal, in case you do have to file a motion with the court.

Can my ex-husband keep my 13 year old son from visiting with me, even though we have a visitation schedule that we agreed to in court-ordered mediation? I’m supposed to have my son every other weekend from Friday until Monday morning, but my ex has not complied for the last month. When I call him, he doesn’t answer the phone.

If you have a signed order from the court that lays out your agreement with regard to parenting time with your son and your ex-husband is refusing to bring your child to you, he is defying a court order. You should file a motion with the court immediately enforcing your rights that are contained in your agreement, specifically your right to alternate weekend parenting time with your child. The judge will want to hear from your ex about why he has not brought your son for his parenting time with you. Without an extremely compelling reason, such as proof of abuse or neglect on your part, the judge will enforce your parenting time order and you ex will be forced to obey. If he continues to disobey the judge’s ruling, he is subject to being held in contempt of court which can carry various sanctions.

My ex-boyfriend and I have joint legal custody of our 3 year old son after going to court. Recently, he enrolled our child in daycare without my knowledge or permission. He also frequently changes the pickup and drop off times when he has visitation. Can he change our court order or make decisions himself for our child?

No. Your child’s other parent is not able to change a court order or formal agreement without your permission and input. Since you share legal custody of your child, decisions such as education, religion, major medical and day care choice must be presented and discussed by the both of you. In the even that you cannot agree upon a school or daycare, then you would have to have the court ultimately decide. It is always best to come to an agreement in these situations, but if you simply cannot sit down with your ex and discuss the daycare and his repeated lateness, you may have no other choice but to file a motion to enforce your rights found in your court order.

I was recently given residential custody of my child. Her mother has severe bi-polar disorder. She recently sent me a letter telling me that she has filed for custody. Should I hire an attorney?

If you have received only the letter from your child’s other parent, and no legal paperwork such as a motion or a complaint that she filed or a court date in the mail, then there is nothing that needs to be done at this point. Your order for residential custody stays in full effect unless and until the family court judge changes it after a hearing. If you do receive paperwork, you should contact an attorney. It is not easy to change custody and your wife will have to prove that there has been a significant change in circumstances that would lead a judge to change the order that is now in place.

Can I force my daughter’s father to pick her up for his parenting time with her? She is four years old and he is supposed to have her every Saturday. He rarely shows up and it is starting to affect her emotionally.

Unfortunately, there is no law on the books in New Jersey that can force your child’s other parent to be a good parent. A judge cannot order your ex to show up for his parenting time. What you can do is file a motion with the court asking that all parenting time be suspended, because the constant waiting and eventual disappointment is hurting your daughter. Sometimes, no parenting time is better than your daughter becoming hopeful and waiting by the door for her father, only to be disappointed. Hopefully, having all parenting time threatened will wake him up and he will begin to see your child on a regular basis.

Custody & Religious Holidays

My husband and I are divorcing and we are attempting to work out a holiday plan. I am Jewish and he is Catholic and we have raised our daughter as Catholic, meaning we celebrate Christmas. He is demanding that he have our daughter for all Catholic holidays because he is Catholic and I am not. Is this legal?

Just because you are Jewish does not mean that you automatically give up your rights to celebrate a Christian or Catholic holiday with your child. You should continue to work with your husband to come up with a workable parenting time and holiday schedule based only upon both of your wishes and the best interests of the children. If you cannot agree, consider mediation.

My ex-girlfriend informed me that she is pregnant and wants me to have no involvement with the child when he or she is born. She is due in about four months. What can I do to make sure that I can be a part of my child’s life?

Once your child is born, you will need to file papers with the court seeking to establish paternity of the child, and also seeking at least joint legal custody and parenting time with your child. If you are in the position to share physical custody of your child, meaning that your child would spend fifty percent of the time with you and fifty percent of the time with your ex, than file for joint physical custody as well. Just be sure that whatever custody and/or parenting time arrangement you are seeking is in your child’s best interests and that you can truly be there during the time you are requesting. Also, be aware that you will most likely be responsible for child support, as well.

Sole Custody FAQ:

I would like to file for sole custody of my two children, who are now in the custody of their mother. They are ages 9 and 11 and they tell me that they want to live with me. Their mother now lives with her new boyfriend and they tell me they want to live with me, now. Can I get custody?

You would have to prove to the court that not only is it in your children’s best interests to be in your custody, you would also have to prove that there has been a significant change in circumstances since their mother was awarded custody that would warrant a change in custody. Unless they are subjected to some sort of abuse or neglect, it is a difficult case to prove. Consider increasing your parenting time or even sharing legal and physical custody of your children with their mother. Courts strongly favor substantial involvement of both parents in children’s lives.

When courts decide custody, does it matter which parent makes more money? I am afraid to leave my child’s father because he makes much more than I do and I don’t want to lose my child.

The courts will not base a custody decision based upon which parent earns more money. The courts look at what is in the best interests of the child. If you can provide a clean, safe and loving environment for your child than you will be providing for their best interests. You will also be entitled to child support from the father to assist you in raising your child and providing for them.

My ex-girlfriend has not brought our son to me for my parenting time with him on several occasions, sometimes with no explanation. Does she have to make up that time, to me?

You would be entitled to make-up time with your son. Courts in New Jersey do not look kindly upon parents not bringing their children for parenting time with their other parent. In fact, New Jersey courts favor substantial contact with both parents. If she continues to fail to provide your child for parenting time, consider filing a motion with the court to enforce your rights and seek make-up time.