7 Surprising Causes of Divorce: What Really Drives Couples Apart?
When we think about the reasons marriages fail, infidelity usually gets top billing. While cheating is indeed a common trigger for divorce, other factors can be equally impactful in pushing a relationship to the breaking point. Here’s a look at some surprising yet often overlooked factors that contribute to the end of a marriage.
1. Substance Abuse
Substance abuse takes a heavy toll on marriages, showing up as a factor in as many as 34% of divorces. The impact of alcohol and drug addiction can shatter the foundations of trust, drain financial resources, and leave emotional wounds that are hard to heal. The “chaos cascade” of substance abuse — unpredictable behavior, emotional withdrawal, and even physical danger — creates a devastating cycle that leaves the non-using partner feeling powerless and vulnerable. As addiction chips away at love and respect, the relationship often crumbles under the weight of fear and instability.
2. Gambling Addiction
Gambling is a game of odds, and that includes the odds of a marriage surviving one spouse’s gambling addiction. According to the National Gambling Impact Study, lifetime divorce rates for problem and pathological gamblers are nearly double compared to marital breakdown rates among non-gamblers. The compulsion and adrenaline rush of high-stakes betting can result in secretive behavior and financial devastation, shattering marital trust, often beyond repair. The emotional fallout and the sense of betrayal that come from discovering hidden debts can be devastating for the relationship.
3. Heavy Social Media Use
Influencers and other social media power users love to dazzle followers with the “highlight reels” of their seemingly perfect marriages. Behind the filters and carefully curated updates, however, could be a relationship under serious strain. Studies have shown that heavy social media users are 32% more likely to consider divorce compared to less frequent posters. The constant comparison, lack of genuine connection, and secrecy that can accompany excessive social media use take a toll, pushing marriages closer to the brink of breakdown.
4. Lack of Intimacy
Intimacy isn’t just about physical connection; it’s also about emotional closeness. Renowned relationship expert Esther Perel discusses how a lack of intimacy creates a vacuum that can lead to emotional infidelity or withdrawal. When couples stop prioritizing each other’s emotional needs, they become disconnected. Over time, the relationship may transform from a passionate partnership to one that feels empty and devoid of connection, paving the way to divorce.
5. The “Four Horseman” of Communication Breakdowns
Relationship researcher John Gottman identifies four specific behaviors that often predict divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. He calls these the “Four Horsemen” and highlights the significant damage even one of these can inflict on a marriage. For example, contempt—such as rolling your eyes, sneering, or using sarcasm to belittle your partner—destroys feelings of affection and safety and erodes respect and connection. When couples can’t communicate with empathy or acknowledge each other’s emotions, their relationship is often on a path toward an irretrievable breakdown.
6. Failing to Respond to “Bids for Attention”
Have you ever heard your partner say, “Hey, come here and look at this _______ (insert remarkable thing)!” while you were busy or distracted? According to the Gottman Institute, how couples respond to these small bids for attention can make or break a relationship. In successful marriages, spouses respond positively to these moments 90% of the time. In struggling marriages, the rate drops to 33%. These little gestures of connection build emotional intimacy, so neglecting them can leave one or both partners feeling unappreciated and unloved.
7. Lavish Weddings & Costly Engagement Rings
Pulled out all the stops for a lavish wedding? It may have come with a surprising risk: Women who spend over $20,000 on their weddings are 1.6 times more likely to divorce compared to those who keep costs between $5,000 and $10,000. The financial strain of an extravagant celebration, combined with unmet expectations, can put immense pressure on a new marriage. And it’s not just the wedding—among men, spending between $2,000 and $4,000 on an engagement ring is linked to a 1.3 times higher risk of divorce compared to spending between $500 and $2,000.
Recognize any of these surprising predictors of divorce in your own relationship? Seeking help from a relationship counselor could be the first step toward healing and rediscovery. Legal remedies, including a reconciliation agreement, can be another option for couples ready to give their marital union another try.
If you are considering divorce or wish to explore a reconciliation agreement, we can help. Schedule a consultation with one of our family law attorneys and get answers to all your questions. Call us today at 888-888-0919, or please click the green link below.
