Cohabiting During Divorce: 10 Tips for Surviving with Your Ex
Have you decided to live under one roof with your soon-to-be ex until your divorce is finalized? Cohabiting during divorce can have several benefits – helping you save money, providing more stability for your children, and even making you both more motivated to reach a settlement and move on with your lives.
But let’s be honest: sharing a home with your soon-to-be ex during this emotional transition may not be easy. It takes clear boundaries, intentional planning, and a lot of patience.
While this setup isn’t for everyone, these 10 practical tips can help you navigate the challenges of living together while preparing for separate lives.
1. Explain the situation to your children
Kids are perceptive – changes in sleeping arrangements, routines, or moods don’t go unnoticed. It’s appropriate and helpful to let them know that Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce, how long you’ll both be in the house, where each of you will sleep, and how parenting time will work. Keep it calm, clear, and reassuring.
2. Sleep in separate rooms
Sharing a bed—or even a bedroom—after deciding to divorce can lead to unnecessary conflict and sends mixed messages to your kids. Create separate spaces with clear boundaries. If your home affords you a spare bedroom, consider making it a clean break by keeping all your clothes and other personal belongings in one room, and your spouse’s in another. Your rooms can then become your individual “home base” and place of refuge in the house.
3. Make it easy to stage your home for showings
If you’re planning to sell your home, appearances matter. Even if you and your ex have carved out separate spaces, keep the overall vibe welcoming and cohesive. Avoid obvious visual dividers like masking tape down the floor — opt instead for smart storage. Use totes or bins to stash personal belongings quickly before showings, so the home feels clean and uncluttered. A well-staged home tends to sell faster and for a higher price, which benefits you both.
4. Set a plan for meals and kitchen use
The kitchen is often the heart of the home—and a prime spot for conflict when sharing space with your ex. Decide early on how you’ll handle mealtimes. Will you each cook separately? Share groceries? Eat at different times? Some couples find it helpful to create a basic kitchen schedule or use the space in shifts to avoid overlap. Clear expectations around food, cleanup, and shared appliances can go a long way in minimizing unnecessary tension.
5. Stay civil with strategic communication
Emotions run high during divorce, so it’s important to keep communication business-like and as neutral as possible. Remember to use the BIFF method: Be Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm in texts, emails, and conversations. Avoid venting, criticizing, or offering unsolicited advice – when a divorce is underway, it’s almost certain that it won’t be taken well.
6. Manage emotional reactivity
You’re sharing space with someone you may not like very much – or even loathe — right now. Heavy emotions can take a toll and are a trigger for tension and blow ups. Prioritize your mental health – and ability to maintain your calm – by getting enough rest, eat well, exercise, and consider working with a divorce therapist. Keeping your emotions in check helps you focus on what matters: your children’s well-being and your own healing.
7. Set a parenting time schedule
Even if you are living under one roof with your children, you will still want to put a temporary parenting time plan in place to define your alone time with your children. This will help all of you adjust to your future visitation schedule and the experience of solo parenting. There are creative ways to make this work: If it’s your spouse’s time for solo parenting time on Saturday, and your day is on Sunday, agree to vacate the home when it’s the other’s turn with the kids. This makes it less confusing for kids to know which parent is in charge.
Remember: Divorce doesn’t end your parenting relationship—it transforms it. Be respectful of your ex’s time with the kids, avoid criticism in front of them, and work toward solving problems peacefully. Your children will benefit from seeing you both act like mature, responsible co-parents.
8. Get clear on finances
If your spouse has handled finances during the marriage, you need to learn to manage your own money and pay for your own expenses. If you’ve been the primary caregiver to your children and don’t work outside the home, file for a temporary alimony support order.
Important: Come to an agreement with your spouse about how to split household expenses, including how utility and mortgage bills will be split. If you can’t come to an agreement, you can go to a judge to get a court order covering these matters.
9. Divide household duties
It’s tempting to disengage from shared responsibilities during divorce, but this only adds stress. Make a list of chores and divide them fairly. Who feeds the dog? Who takes the garbage out? Who does the dishes? Who mows the lawn? Remember chore charts for your preschoolers? They work for adults too. Keep a master list of chores stuck to fridge or keep it on a shared note on your phones — and just like a good roommate, hold up your end of the bargain.
10. Keep your romantic life private
Bringing a new partner into the house while you’re still living with your ex is a recipe for disaster. It can cause emotional pain, ignite legal disputes, and confuse your children. Keep all romantic communication and activity outside the shared home until you’re fully separated. Read more: When should you introduce your dating partner to your children?
Know when it’s not working
Sometimes, despite your best efforts, cohabiting during divorce can become toxic or too emotionally draining to continue. If the fighting won’t stop, or if it’s affecting your mental health—or your children’s—it’s time to re-evaulate and for one of you to move out. Counseling can help clarify your next steps, but if there’s any history of domestic abuse, it’s crucial to prioritize safety.
A peaceful environment is more important than sticking to a plan that no longer serves your family.
Learn More:
Decided to Divorce? Four Questions to Ask Yourself Before Moving Out of the Family Home
Have questions about divorce? custody? parenting time questions? We’re here to help. Please contact us today to schedule your initial consultation with one of our experienced family law attorneys and get answers and a clear strategy for safeguarding your children. Call us at 888-888-0919 or please click the button below.
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