Is your difficult divorce making you miserable? Has the conflict between you and your ex taken over your life? Diffusing a hostile divorce is possible, but it takes acquiring new skills. Read on to learn what you can do to make your divorce less acrimonious.
Practice low-conflict communication
Hostile emails and texts drive nasty divorces, so adopt a low-conflict communication strategy – regardless of your ex’s behavior. When writing to your former spouse follow these tips:
- Be concise. Your ex does not want to read a single-spaced, 500-word opus. Seeing an email of this length will likely cause anxiety and anger – especially if your main point is buried somewhere in the middle. In a difficult divorce, less is more, so be as brief as possible.
- Be informative. The only reason you should be writing your ex is to communicate information. Information does notinclude opinions, feelings, parenting advice, or tips for a personality overhaul. Stick to facts and logistics and leave anything subjective out of your correspondence.
- Be neutral. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it. Strive to be boring. There is no place for sarcasm, threats, and hyperbole in your communication. Also try to avoid all caps, which can comes across as anger. If your ex is a hostile communicator, it may be tempting to respond in kind, but doing so will just inflame conflict.
- Be firm. You want to limit communication exchanges, so try to avoid a prolonged email rally. Don’t get pulled into a negotiation: set a boundary and stick to it. If your ex is violating the court order, don’t beg or threaten; contact your attorney.
Manage your emotional reactivity
In a difficult divorce, you may be feeling scared and angry a lot of the time. While these feelings are understandable, they are not facts. When you’re stressed, you may not be interpreting reality accurately. You may be worried about the future or ruminating about the ways your ex wronged you. Reacting in an extreme, dramatic fashion will make your divorce even more difficult, so do whatever you can to manage your emotions: see a therapist, practice self-care, use coping skills. You’ll feel better and be better able to keep your cool.
Focus on what you can control
A difficult divorce can drag on when ex-spouses try to control the other – through threats, repeated litigation, hostile communication, putting children in the middle. Trying to change what your ex thinks and does will create more conflict. You will feel far more empowered if you focus on what you can control: practicing low-conflict communication strategies and managing your emotions.
Divorce doesn’t need to be difficult! Get a clear strategy for your divorce and start safeguarding your future today. Schedule your initial attorney consultation by calling us at 888-888-0919, or please click the button below.
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