There is no way to sugarcoat it: the holidays may look and feel different this year. However, that doesn’t mean they need to be unbearable! With some planning and clear communication, you can protect your well-being and still feel the peace and calm this special time of year offers.
Start with these 5 tips for happier holidays…
1. Focus on Making the Holidays Special for Your Kids
Are your holiday concerns centered around how the change in your family’s dynamic will impact your children? The gift of the holidays for newly divorced or separated parents is the opportunity this time of year to create new, joyful memories with your kids. While divorce may alter the way your family celebrates, your efforts to make the holidays magical can bring a sense of comfort and stability for your children—and yourself.
- Make holiday magic on your own schedule: If parenting time schedules mean missing out on opening presents on Christmas morning or the first night of Chanukah, align this tradition with the time you do have together. Your celebration may not be in sync with the calendar, but it can still be just as meaningful and fun.
- Keep meaningful traditions: It might not feel like the holidays without decorating the tree or baking cookies together. Keeping traditions—even if slightly altered by a new home or circumstances—provides kids with a sense of security and continuity.
- Start new traditions: If you’re missing the holiday parade this year, consider going on a family hike at a local nature preserve or organizing a holiday movie night. New traditions can bring fresh joy and create happy memories.
By focusing on your children’s happiness, you may find your own joy growing in the process. Kids are incredibly resilient, and your efforts to make the season special will mean the world to them.
2. Prioritize Communication with Your Ex-Spouse
When you share children, clear and respectful communication with your ex-spouse is key to minimizing holiday stress.
- Be flexible with parenting time: Do you have a holiday schedule that specifies where the children will spend the actual holiday? Plan for additional holiday-related activities, like who will take your child to the mall to spend gift cards or accompany them to a New Year’s Eve party.
- Collaborate on schedules: Work together to maximize quality time for both parents. Open communication and cooperation will make the season smoother for everyone involved.
Should conflicts arise, focus on what’s best for your children rather than unresolved grievances. If you and your ex are still too emotional, it might be better for you and your children to keep contact minimized.
3. Approach Extended Family Gatherings with Care
Holiday dinners with extended family can feel daunting when you’re navigating divorce. Worrying about prying questions or judgment can add unnecessary stress to what should be a joyful occasion.
- Set boundaries in advance: Politely let family members know you’d prefer to focus on enjoying the holiday rather than discussing your divorce. If your children will attend the meal with you, make it clear there should be no criticism of your ex or discussions about the divorce in their presence.
- Bring a support system: If possible, bring a close friend or trusted relative who can help redirect conversations or offer comfort.
- Have an exit plan: If a gathering becomes overwhelming, give yourself permission to leave early. Knowing you have this option can help you relax.
It’s okay to skip events that feel emotionally taxing. Focus on gatherings that uplift and support you during this transitional time.
4. Embrace Self-Care
Not feeling the holiday spirit this year? It’s perfectly okay to feel like “skipping Christmas,” especially if you’re feeling isolated and alone. But what if you flipped the script and used this season as an opportunity to prioritize you?
Self-care can look like revisiting activities that once brought you joy, with a twist. For instance, if you’ve always enjoyed baking or decorating, try baking your favorite cookies and gifting them to neighbors or crafting cozy decorations just for your space. You might also explore entirely new experiences that nurture your well-being, such as booking a spa day, journaling and meditating, or taking advantage of low-cost airfares and taking off for a few days on a new adventure.
The holidays don’t have to follow traditional expectations. By focusing on self-care, you can create a season that feels more aligned with your needs, bringing comfort, joy, and even a spark of excitement back into your life.
5. Give Yourself a Break from Thinking About Divorce
The stress of divorce can feel all-consuming, but it’s important to carve out moments of relief, especially during the holidays.
- Take a break to explore a festive market, curl up with a favorite book, or finally take that getaway you’ve been dreaming of.
- If you’re using time off work to prepare for divorce—like gathering documents or organizing finances—set a “divorce curfew” for yourself to ensure balance. Allow time to recharge and enjoy the season.
Intentional breaks will help you maintain clarity and emotional well-being — two gifts you can give yourself at the end of what has probably been a difficult year.
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