Thinking About ‘Conscious Uncoupling’ in 2024? Here’s How To Have A Low Conflict Di
Get off on the right foot
How you begin the marital dissolution process sets the tone for not only the divorce proceedings but also your post-divorce life and co-parenting relationship.
Think carefully before serving your spouse with divorce papers at work, “conflicting out” all available local attorneys, and making other high-drama maneuvers. These antagonistic strategies will almost spike conflict and acrimony that only ends up in a divorce that costs more, takes more time, and is needlessly more stressful.
Starting the divorce as calmly and respectfully as possible will increase the odds that you can settle amicably and, if you have children, help you transition to an effective co-parenting relationship.
Think collaboration, not litigation
A key part of conscious uncoupling is collaborating and working together through the issues of your divorce to arrive at a mutually acceptable settlement, without the need to litigate in court.
One of these low-conflict collaborative methods of divorce is Mediation. Often cited as the fastest, most cost-effective way to divorce, mediation completely omits the need to battle out the divorce in court. In mediation, the neutral third party mediator you hire is not interested in proving who’s “at fault” or who is the “best parent.” Their goal is solely to help couples settle all financial and custody issues expediently and amicably – and move on with their lives. Collaborative divorce is another form of low-conflict divorce that is supportive of a conscious uncoupling approach.
Work with a low-conflict attorney
When your goal is divorce without the drama, you need a family lawyer experienced in collaborative methods who knows how to bring you to a great settlement – and still keep the peace. When interviewing prospective attorneys, find out how many cases they mediate/settle out of court, and how many they litigate. Ask about their philosophy of divorce: do they strive to keep divorce as positive as possible, and if so, what steps do they take to make that happen? By the way, low conflict doesn’t equal a doormat attorney. It means an attorney who is highly skilled enough to know how to both get the fairest settlement for their client while still keeping the situation defused and on track.
Steer clear of “ex bashing”
It’s normal to lean on friends and family for support, but beware the perils of spouse-bashing. Your loved ones may join you in turning your former partner into the villain, which will then fuel your sense of victimhood. Friends and relatives may be angry and fearful for you, and project these feelings onto you. All these heightened emotions will lead you away from what you truly want: peace of mind and a commitment to moving forward with grace.
Don’t put the kids in the middle
In order to prioritize your children’s well-being, it’s imperative that you facilitate your ex’s relationship with them. This means that you support their visitation time, make important parenting decisions together, and never speak badly about your ex in front of the children. Trying to manage your co-parent’s behavior, or telegraphing to the kids that the only parent they need to listen to is you, will inflame conflict and create anxiety and confusion for your kids.
Work with a therapist to process your emotions
Divorce is an emotionally challenging experience, and seeking support is crucial for your mental well-being. As early as you can in the process, consider therapy or counseling to work through emotions and develop healthy coping strategies. Also considering joining a divorce support groups – either in person or online: Connecting with others who are going through similar experiences and also trying to minimize conflict can help you navigate the emotional turmoil and emerge stronger.
Conscious uncoupling is possible when both people take charge of their own personal growth work and focus on creating a harmonious environment of their children – and for themselves. It really is the key to a good divorce.
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