If you are getting a divorce in 2025 and have children, making decisions about custody and parenting time are at the top of your priorities list. In New Jersey, the intention for any custody agreement is to create stable, nurturing environments for children. But how do you get there? And how do you ensure you are getting the time you want and need with your children?
Here are 5 key considerations for creating custody agreements and parenting time plans that put your children’s best interests first.
1. Understand the difference between sole and joint custody
Custody arrangements address two types of custody: physical custody, which determines where the child lives, and legal custody, which involves decision-making about the child’s education, healthcare, and general upbringing.
It can save a great deal of time and frustration to enter custody negotiations with the understanding that New Jersey law favors joint or shared custody to support close parent-child relationships, whenever possible. Sole custody is usually reserved for cases involving abuse, neglect, geographic distance, parent or child health issues, or other exceptional circumstances. If your goal has been to demand sole custody, think through the practicality of this request first if your spouse is present and ready to co-parent. [Download Our Full Report: 5 Ways to Break Through Child Custody Battles.]
Is sole custody on the table in your custody case? Don’t make the mistake of thinking “sole” custody is somehow the equivalent of terminating parental rights. Even in sole physical custody arrangements, the noncustodial parent typically has parenting time rights to maintain regular contact with the child. For example, in a situation in which one parent relocates across the country from the other, the courts may determine that giving sole physical and legal custody to one parent makes practical sense, but will also ensure the long-distance parent has long stretches of school vacation parenting time and rights to frequent video calls to do everything possible to foster close relationships.
2. Work Schedules and Parenting Time
So, let’s say you have arrived at a shared custody arrangement. Now comes the work of deciding exactly how your children will divide their time between the two of you through a detailed parenting time schedule. Be aware that courts in New Jersey assess each parent’s ability to meet their child’s needs, including their availability for parenting time. For example, if your work schedule involves long hours—such as 80-hour weeks or overnight hours—this will be part of shaping the outcome of your parenting time plan.
Tip: Be honest about your availability and focus on creating a realistic schedule that prioritizes quality over quantity. Highlight your commitment to being present during your off-hours, and consider proposing creative solutions, such as adjusting parenting time to align with your days off or incorporating virtual check-ins during particularly demanding work periods. This demonstrates flexibility and a genuine effort to maintain a meaningful relationship with your child.
3. Children’s Needs Evolve Over Time
Children’s needs can and do change significantly as they grow. For example, the needs of a young child in daycare differ greatly from those of a teenager seeking more independence. New Jersey courts recognize this and allow for custody modifications when substantial changes in circumstances arise. Parents should stay proactive in addressing these shifts by collaborating on schedule adjustments, whether for extracurricular activities, medical needs, or a teenager’s preferences.
Tip: Demonstrating your adaptability and commitment to your child’s evolving needs strengthens your parenting plan. Some co-parents may even write into their agreements that arrangements will be reviewed upon children reaching certain ages or other milestones.
4. Get specific about holiday parenting plans and other special occasions
Parenting time plans include day-to-day arrangements for children as well as decisions about where children will spend their time on holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions. Unfortunately, some parenting time plans for the holidays are just vague enough to cause confusion, usually because they are decided at a time when the holidays are the furthest thing from parents’ minds during divorce. This can increase the risk for parental conflict when plans are found to be unsatisfactory.
Tip: Take time now to go over your plan and look for any items that may still need to be clarified or worked out with your ex. For instance, if you have Christmas Eve and your ex has Christmas Day, when is pick up and drop off time for the kids? If you are on relatively good terms with your former spouse, try to come to an agreement about items like this and what’s best for your children. Could you do a drop off early on Christmas Day morning? Would your ex at least agree to a later pick up time on Christmas Eve (compared to your usual swap time) so you get a little extra special time? It might seem strange to discuss the December holidays in the middle of January, but this is one of those situations where forethought is necessary. Whatever you hammer out, incorporate your plan in your agreement.
5. Establish good communication as co-parents
Effective communication is the cornerstone of successful co-parenting. Courts often consider a parent’s ability to collaborate and maintain a child-focused perspective when deciding custody matters. Using co-parenting apps, keeping discussions focused on the child’s needs, and seeking mediation when conflicts arise can help build a strong co-parenting relationship. By fostering open communication and mutual respect, parents not only benefit their custody case but also provide their child with a stable and supportive environment.
Good communication doesn’t mean that you and your ex need to meet for coffee to discuss the kids (though this certainly works for some co-parents). Good communication is the sharing of information that is clear, timely, and accurate. Find a form of communication that works for you in achieving these standards. Some co-parents have no problem talking on the phone or face-to-face, while others thrive on limiting communication to text or emails.
Tip: In a high-conflict divorce, controllers love to keep you engaged by pushing your buttons. Resist the urge to counterattack or defend yourself. Whether communicating in person, by phone, or electronically, stick to the facts and assert your boundaries – not your opinions, which will just invite debate.
Making decisions about child custody in your divorce. Contact us today to schedule a consultation with one our highly experienced family law attorneys. Call us at 888-888-0919, or please click the button below.
Schedule An Initial Consultation