Feeling overwhelmed by all the decisions facing you as you dissolve your marriage? Avoid burn-out by hiring a divorce coach to shepherd you through the process. Although divorce coaches are not lawyers or therapists, they have generally gone through divorce themselves, and are committed to helping others navigate the process as smoothly as possible.
Here are some of the ways a divorce coach can help you.
Hiring your divorce team. Wondering about the difference between a mediator and an attorney? Not sure if you need a forensic accountant, or even what one is? A divorce coach understands the job functions of each divorce professional, and can help you determine the players you need on your team. For instance, if your spouse is aggressive, you may need an attorney who’s a skilled litigator; but if you and your spouse agree on the big-ticket items, you may be able to meditate your divorce. Your coach will tailor your team to your particular circumstances.
Collaborative divorce coaching. Coaches take an active role in collaborative divorce, a legal process akin to mediation that is designed to keep you out of court. In collaborative divorce, your coach is in the room with you, along with your spouse, both parties’ legal counsel, and other divorce professionals such as accountants and child psychologists. The benefit to this is that your coach will help you keep your emotions in check during the actual settlement process so you can focus on your goals.
Advice for dealing with high-conflict exes. Many divorce coaches specialize in helping people who are divorcing a narcissist or other high-conflict personality. They provide services such as educating you about narcissism and advising you on ways to communicate and co-parent with a difficult ex. Your coach will also keep you from getting stuck in unproductive emotions, such as resentment and rumination.
Self-care. With all the upheaval that divorce creates, many people feel too overwhelmed to get routine medical care, exercise, or eat properly. Your coach will help you stay on top of your self-care routine so that you take care of your physical and mental health. They’ll also remind you to nurture other soul-tending activities, such as socializing, meditation, and creative endeavors.
Know when it’s time to see a therapist. Divorce coaches can teach you coping skills so you can stay focused on your goals, but they are not trained to work with trauma and other mental health issues. If you’re struggling emotionally during divorce, your coach can refer you to a trained mental health professional skilled in treating psychological problems.
If possible, hire your coach before you begin divorce proceedings so they can refer you to the appropriate professionals and prepare you for the journey ahead.
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