How to Prepare for Divorce Mediation: Tips for Productive and Peaceful Negotiations
When a couple decides to mediate their divorce, it means they agree to negotiate their divorce settlement outside of court with the help of a neutral third-party mediator. Mediation is a faster, less stressful, and less costly settlement method compared to traditional divorce litigation. Are you preparing to mediate your divorce? Here are some tips for productive and peaceful negotiations to help you make the most of the mediation process.
Tip: Get into a negotiation mindset by finding “quick wins”
Mediation entails a couple coming together to create a set of mutually agreeable terms for their divorce, with a third-party mediator on hand to guide them through negotiations. Before starting mediation, take time to review the key issues of your divorce—such as asset division, child custody, and support agreements—and evaluate how easy or challenging it might be to reach an agreement on each one. For example, are you and your spouse already aligned on what will happen to the marital home? Do you share a similar vision for handling child custody arrangements?
In mediation, areas of agreement are often referred to as “quick wins.” Settling these early in the process can create a positive tone and build momentum, making it easier to tackle more complex or contentious issues later. Quick wins also help establish trust and cooperation between you and your spouse, setting the stage for smoother negotiations throughout the mediation process.
Tip: Take time to find out: What does your spouse want?
When you sit down in a mediation session, you may be asked to take turns stating your desired outcome for the issue at hand. During these moments, take the time to listen to your spouse and find out what he or she really wants. This tactic helps with negotiating for two reasons:
- First, when people feel listened to and get the sense that their views are being taken seriously, it goes a long way to lower the tension in the room; listening to your spouse’s needs means your spouse will probably be more willing to listen to your own.
- Secondly, understanding what your spouse wants can help you identify some possible bargaining chips. If she wants the vacation home, but you want a greater percentage of the stock portfolio and secretly don’t care about having a second home, having this kind of information can be strategic for quickly negotiating an outcome you both find acceptable.
Tip: Think strategically when prioritizing what you want
It might be nice to keep the living room furniture set you worked overtime to afford. But if comes down to digging in about the furniture versus paying your spouse a little less in monthly alimony because your ex gets their wish to keep most of the contents of the house — which one sounds better? As you prioritize, think about what’s best for your future finances, your family’s future, and what you are willing to give up in order to get a better life moving forward.
Tip: Understand that mediators and judges are not the same thing
A mediator is someone (typically a family law attorney) the couple hires together. The couple meets with the mediator to work through the issues of their divorce. In a typical divorce mediation session, you may take turns identifying your individual needs and wants. The mediator will then facilitate a settlement discussion, talking about compromises that might make sense in your situation.
The mediator is not a judge. His or her role is to provide information about the law and different available options, and then foster a cordial, focused atmosphere for spouses to come to an agreement on the option they wish to pursue. The mediator will not deliberate evidence and provide a ruling like a judge. For maximum efficiency, don’t worry about “winning” over the mediator.
Tip: Check your ego (and emotions) at the door
The end of a marriage is almost never without emotional fallout. But know that bringing anger, frustration, and jealousy into the negotiating room — and making decisions based on purely emotional reasons — is an almost surefire way to not get what you want in the long run. Whether it takes seeing a therapist, buying a punching bag, meditating, or just watching a funny movie and having a laugh with a friend, do everything you can to be in a more neutral frame of mind when you sit down at the negotiating table.
Ready to mediate? Learn more about the mediation process in New Jersey and get more divorce mediation tips to help you reach a fast and fair settlement in your divorce.
Is mediation right for your divorce? Start safeguarding your future today by scheduling an initial attorney consultation with one of our skilled divorce specialists. Get answers to all your questions, and a clear strategy for moving forward. Call us at 888-888-0919, or please click the green button below.
