The #1 Costly Mistake Parents Make in Divorce—And How to Avoid It
In divorce, parents rightly want to protect their children and their relationship with them. Too often, however, the anger, bitterness, and betrayal spouses may feel towards one another take over their decision-making, leading to costly mistakes. One of the biggest missteps parents make that turn custody decisions into custody battles?
Treating their co-parent as the enemy.
Why This Mistake Is So Harmful
When parents let resentment, anger, or past betrayals guide their custody decisions, the real casualty is the child. High-conflict custody disputes can:
Increase stress and anxiety for children. Kids caught in the middle of parental conflict often experience emotional distress, confusion, and even guilt over the situation.
Prolong the legal process. Courts favor cooperation. A battle-driven approach can lead to unnecessary hearings, legal fees, and delays, which only serves to add time, cost and stress to the legal process.
Hurt your own custody case. Judges look for parents who support their child’s relationship with both parents. If one parent is actively trying to alienate the other, it can negatively impact their credibility in court.
New Jersey courts prioritize children’s best interests, which typically means maintaining strong relationships with both parents whenever possible. Co-parenting is the preferred model unless there are concerns like abuse or neglect. Judges want to see parents actively engaged in trying to make this model work for the sake of their children.
How to Avoid This Costly Custody Mistake
If you’re struggling with difficult emotions toward your ex, consider these strategies to keep the focus on what truly matters—your child’s stability and happiness.
1. Separate Personal Feelings from Parenting Decisions
Hurt feelings are natural, but they shouldn’t dictate how you approach custody. Ask yourself: Is this decision in my child’s best interest, or am I letting my anger toward my ex get in the way? If you need added support, it can help to work through this question with the assistance of a therapist.
2. Use Co-Parenting Tools
When direct communication is difficult, technology can help. Apps like OurFamilyWizard and TalkingParents allow parents to track schedules, share expenses, and exchange messages in a neutral, documented format that helps to remove emotion from the equation.
3. Keep Conflict Away from Your Child
No matter how frustrated you are, venting about your ex in front of your child can be damaging. Children should never feel like they have to choose sides. Instead, seek support from a therapist, close friend, or family member. Learn how to not take the bait from an ex with a high conflict personality.
4. Avoid Public Battles on Social Media
Posting about your custody case or making negative comments about your ex online can backfire. No matter what your privacy settings, anything shared on social media could be used in court and may reflect poorly on your ability to co-parent effectively. Consider that your tech savvy children may also be lurking on your social media.
5. Consider Mediation Instead of Court Battles
Many custody disputes can be resolved through mediation rather than litigation. Mediation fosters cooperation and allows parents to create a plan tailored to their child’s needs—without the time and stress of a court battle. The process puts your custody outcome in your hands.
A Child-Centered Approach Wins Every Time
Divorce changes family dynamics, but it doesn’t have to create lifelong conflict. By approaching custody with a cooperative mindset and keeping your child’s well-being at the center of every decision, you can create a more peaceful and stable future for them—and for yourself.
If you’re facing a custody challenge in your divorce, our compassionate family law attorneys are here to help. Call us at 888-888-0919 to schedule a consultation today.
