Getting Ready To Divorce? 3 Tips To Prepare Yourself Emotionally

preparing for your attorney consultation The prospect of untangling finances in your divorce and losing time with your children is wrenching. Add in uncertainty about your home, your lifestyle, and your social circle, and you may feel completely destabilized. You know your emotions are off-kilter if you experience any of the following:

– You can’t sleep,
– You can’t eat,
– You can’t concentrate on anything other than your divorce,
– You cry excessively,
– You’re consumed with guilt over the effect on your children, or
– You dream of exacting revenge on your soon-to-be ex.

Being in a state of turmoil when contemplating or deciding on getting divorced is common, and frankly, understandable. At the same time, when you go to your initial meeting with your divorce attorney, you will need to ask and answer questions about your finances, strategies, possible outcomes, and what you must do to protect yourself and your children. Beginning the legal process of divorce in as calm a state of mind as possible is important. How do you get there? Here are three ways to emotionally prepare for your initial divorce consultation. Read more

5 Things To Say (Or Not To Say) When You Tell Your Kids About Your Divorce

Talking to Children about Divorce

There’s no easy way to tell your kids that life, as they know it, is about to change forever. But there are some ways to make the experience as gentle as possible. How can help your children feel secure and loved during this transition? Here are five things to say, or not say, when you explain to your kids that you’re divorcing. Read more

Considering Older Kids’ Preferences When Determining Parenting Time Plans

older kids and divorceParenting time plans developed during a child’s early years may need to be adjusted as a child matures, particularly during adolescence. The 3-year-old who clung to his mother’s legs when Dad arrived for visitation may decide he wants to spend most, or even all of his time with his father as he nears legal adulthood. How are an older child’s preferences taken into account when making child custody decisions? Read more

Same-Sex Domestic Violence: How To Get Help

same-sex domestic violenceBecause domestic violence has been traditionally viewed as something that happens only to heterosexual women, instances of same-sex domestic violence (DV) or intimate partner violence (IPV) in the LGBT community are often overlooked. People assume it just doesn’t happen.

But it does.

As reports consistently show, at least one out of four people in same-sex relationships will experience domestic violence during their lifetime, mirroring rates among heterosexual couples. Sadly, LGBT victims are frequently reluctant to go the police, often because of perceived stigma or fear that help for same-sex couples is not readily available.

It’s time to dispel the myths surrounding same-sex DV. Let’s look an all-too-common DV scenario involving a LGBT couple and explore how the victim in this situation can reach out for needed help and protection. Read more

Domestic Violence Charges Dropped Against NJ Celebrity Constantine Maroulis

domestic violenceA local news story that many have asked us about this week involves the domestic violence charges, now dropped, against former American Idol singer and Bergen County resident, Constantine Maroulis. We would like to preface our comments by noting the sensitivity of any discussion that involves domestic violence. The charges against Mr. Maroulis have been dismissed. Still, the nature of the original incident and claims of abuse by both spouses (aka, “mutual abuse”) brings up interesting points that may be beneficial for others seeking help with domestic violence issues. Read more

How To Get Help When You’re A Male Victim Of Domestic Violence

male victims of domestic violence

If you think a woman could never abuse a man, think again. According to a 2010 CDC report, 40% of DV victims are male – that’s over 2 million men in America who have experienced severe physical violence by an intimate partner. Read more

New Jersey Divorce Chronicles, Part 9: Dividing Marital Property

marital asset divisionIn our last installment of our ongoing case study series, we saw how the Marriage Early Settlement Panel (MESP) made recommendations for property distribution in Robert and Sharon’s divorce case, filed in New Jersey family court. Today we will look at how the distribution process might work in private divorce mediation. Read more

Divorcing A Narcissist: 5 Strategies For Getting Through It

getting through divorce from a narcissist

One of the most overwhelming things about going through a divorce is trying to wade through all the information about how to do it the “right” way and decide what’s right for you. Well-meaning friends and family may give you advice that tends to apply to someone with a reasonable ex. But what if you don’t have one of those? When you have a spouse who tends to be a narcissist, it can mean that you may in for additional stress or all-out war in your divorce…unless you learn how to defuse this high conflict personality type. What works to keep tension in check? Here are five strategies to help you get through your divorce from a narcissist with your sanity intact. Read more

8 Ways To Protect Your Kids From The Fall-Out Of A High-Conflict Divorce

divorce parenting

Studies show that it’s not divorce in itself that hurts kids in the long-term; it’s the level conflict that lingers between parents. Being successful at the job of being a divorced parent requires finding ways to deal with any contempt for or anger towards your ex, and support your children’s relationship with their other parent. If your former spouse cheated on you or walked out on you for any number of reasons, you may still be in bad place of deep hurt. However, unless your child’s other parent is abusive or there is a legitimate issue that renders your former spouse unable to parent (a mental illness or substance abuse issue that impairs their daily functioning), learning how to manage your feelings about him or her so they don’t bleed over onto your kids is a co-parenting must. Read on for some helpful tips on how to get yourself to a better place. Read more